Saturday, December 21, 2013

Thoughts on the Winter Solstice

The winter solstice has always been special to me as a barren darkness that gives birth to a verdant future beyond imagination, a time of pain and withdrawal that produces something joyfully inconceivable, like a monarch butterfly masterfully extracting itself from the confines of its cocoon, bursting forth into unexpected glory.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/g/garyzukav528252.html#DX1PUpBHw3wvsbqt.99

Every moment of light and dark is a miracle. Walt Whitman




Today we celebrate the Winter Solstice. Here in the Northern Hemisphere, we will experience the shortest day and longest night of the year--a mere nine and a half hours of daylight. On December 21st, the sun is at its greatest distance from the equatorial plane. Tomorrow, on the 22nd, we cross over the threshold and slowly start adding the smallest increments of light back into our lives. I think it's important to pause and reflect on this annual astronomical phenomenon.
 
In many ways, the Winter Solstice serves as a metaphor for life. Throughout our lives, light and dark ebb and flow, although not in the predictable ways of the sun.  There are times when life seems full of promise and light, where anything and everything seems possible. Then there are those times when it appears that darkness has descended, and light seems elusive and unattainable. After Matthew died, a blackness settled over us like nothing we had ever experienced. It was like walking into a dark room and feeling completed blinded; our previous lives no longer visible. And yet even in the darkest moments I somehow knew that there would be light again, even though I couldn't see it right away. It took time to adjust and refocus to our new lives. But the promise of light, and the friends and family that provided support throughout those long, dark days, helped us return to our own solstice. We too turned the corner and began adding small glimmers of light back into our lives.

A well-lived life is full of dark and light moments. As much as we might wish it so, it's impossible to live on light alone.  Nature, too, thrives on the interplay of both.  Plants and trees need the darkness just as much as they need light. The long winter months are their time to go dormant and conserve their energy, while outside conditions are less than optimal. By conserving their strength in the winter they are then able to burst forth with new life in the spring. Isn't winter a time for us, too, to reflect and turn inward? Isn't it a time to wrap ourselves in solitude as we attempt to balance the shadow and light within each of us and see what emerges?

So tonight on the longest night of the year, I want to take a moment to remember the season we are in and be grateful for the light of the sun (even when we can't see it) as well as the light and darkness that resides within each of us. I am grateful for another Winter Solstice. 

The winter solstice has always been special to me as a barren darkness that gives birth to a verdant future beyond imagination, a time of pain and withdrawal that produces something joyfully inconceivable, like a monarch butterfly masterfully extracting itself from the confines of its cocoon, bursting forth into unexpected glory.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/g/garyzukav528252.html#DX1PUpBHw3wvsbqt.99
The winter solstice has always been special to me as a barren darkness that gives birth to a verdant future beyond imagination, a time of pain and withdrawal that produces something joyfully inconceivable, like a monarch butterfly masterfully extracting itself from the confines of its cocoon, bursting forth into unexpected glory.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/g/garyzukav528252.html#DX1PUpBHw3wvsbqt.99

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

One Year Later



Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion.   
~Dalai Lama~

This Saturday, December 14th, marks the one-year anniversary of the Newtown shootings. One year ago, twenty-six families' lives were forever changed and a shroud of sorrow settled over our country. When something as horrific as what happened at Sandy Hook Elementary occurs, you can't help but look at the world through different eyes. Certainly our eyes were opened to an evil that we never believed could happen. Innocent children and teachers gunned down in that most sacred of institutions-an elementary school. But after something like this occurs you also have the choice to see the world through softer eyes. You have the choice to focus on the good that surrounds us, not the hateful. It's what many of the parents of Newtown are asking us to do.

On Monday, the families of many of those who died gathered to encourage people to perform an act of kindness on the anniversary of the slayings. This amazing gesture of generosity on their part is moving and selfless in its simple request. Intuitively we know that kindness towards others deepens what it means to be human. We know that even the smallest gestures can cause a chain reaction with positive consequences. Imagine the ripple effect that could occur on Saturday if people really take up this challenge: A Day of Loving Kindness. What better way to honor these families and acknowledge their anguish than by focusing on compassion and kindness. One of the moms, Krista Rekos, whose 6-year-old daughter Jessica died in the shooting said the following: "In the midst of our grief, we have come to realize that we want our loved ones to be remembered for the lives they lived and how they touched our hearts."

The families also announced the launching of a new website to honor all of the victims. Its intention is to serve as "a singular place of sharing, communication, and contact with the families of those who lost their lives that day." Through the website, people are able to communicate with the families and honor their loved ones.  If you have thoughts you'd like to share with them, this is where to do it.

So on Saturday besides performing a random act of kindness, I will also light a candle for the twenty-six victims. As I light it, I will continue to hold all of the families in my heart as they cross over the threshold into the second year. I imagine they will be glad to put that year of "firsts" behind them.  But I know that their grief journey continues, and I will continue to walk alongside them. As a bereaved mom who is three years into this, I want their friends and acquaintances to know that these families will continue to need their support and their love, even if it appears that their lives have resumed to "normal." Their new normal is very different now. Their lives have been changed in ways that are only just beginning to be understood. And while they certainly don't want your pity, they do want you to remember their child. So please don't be afraid to say their names or to tell their stories. Memories are what they have now and it's important to keep them alive.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Worldwide Candlelighting Service


Tonight marks the 17th Worldwide Candle Lighting service to honor the memories of children who have died.  Lighting begins at 7:00 pm local time and continues for an hour. It starts in New Zealand and circles the globe one time zone after another creating a virtual 24-hour wave of light. This is believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on earth. Bereaved parents all over the world will be lighting candles to remember their beloved children. Some will do it in the quiet of their homes; others will come together in candle lighting ceremonies.

The timing of the candle lighting is quite deliberate. We are now officially in the midst of the holiday season, and that is a painful time for families who have lost a child. Whether it's an empty place at the table, a stocking that is no longer hung or just the glaring omission that someone is missing, holidays can be tough. Tonight we make sure to honor and remember those children who are no longer here. Their memories continue to be a blessing to us.

Tonight when we light a candle for Matthew, we will also be lighting a candle for all those who have passed too soon. Below is a list of names of children I have heard of over these past three years (I apologize if I've missed someone).  I will be thinking of them and their families when we light our candle:


Hannah

Katie

Aaron

Carey

Andrew

Kelsey

Christopher

Bonnie

Peter

Esther
Hannah

Megan

Erin

Ben

Graham

Anna

Rachel

Nick

Nathanael

Stephen

Jacquelyn

Elizabeth
Joey

Owen

The 20 young victims of Newtown