Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you
keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest
ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.
-Rumi
Today marks the first anniversary of Grief & Gratitude. I
started G & G because I knew how much writing helped me work through my
grief the first year after my son Matthew died. I didn’t share my writing from
that first year with anyone; it was just too personal and too difficult. But
somewhere around the fifteenth month, I realized that I was ready to write in a
more public forum. I sensed that my words were no longer just being hurled down
from a mountaintop of despair, but were actually beginning to have a restorative effect on my soul. The jagged edges of my grief were beginning to smooth out a bit,
and I felt I might have something to share from my ongoing journey. I had
previously written a blog reviewing children’s books (The Book Nosher) so I was
comfortable with that forum. Seventeen months after Matthew died, I started
Grief & Gratitude.
I don’t think I really knew how the blog would unfold or who
would be reading it. One year later it’s still a work in progress, and there
are weeks I’m not really sure what to write.
I went back and looked at what I said in my first post and saw that I
ended with this:
“…writing is an outlet for me and I hope
through writing about the little things that help keep me afloat, I will show
the immense transformational power of grief and loss.” I hope I’ve done that.
I continue to be in awe of how transformational grief can be.
It is certainly a paradox that from our great losses we can find the simplest of
truths. Being grateful for what is before us right now sounds so ordinary, but in fact it's really quite extraordinary. I know it's not always the easiest concept to tap into. But when I sit still with my own grief this is what I always come back to: the present is the only guarantee we really have.
I find myself drawn to working with other bereaved people and have
started co-facilitating a grief support group in my community. I will also soon start making grief support check-in calls through hospice. I certainly don’t see myself as some sort of expert,
but I do know I am able sit with people when they are in that difficult place
and hear their stories. I can be present with them. I know I can’t fix their
situation but am willing to be a companion with them on their grief journey.
When I began Grief & Gratitude, I wasn’t really
sure who would be interested in reading my words. I thought that perhaps other
bereaved parents would find something in them that they could relate to. And I am
so grateful to all of the bereaved parents who have contacted me; I know what
courage it takes to just put one foot in front of the other after the loss of a
child. But now I realize that we all experience different types of losses
throughout our lives—big and small. It can sometimes help to be reminded of the
small things in life that can make us remember what it is to be human. So as I
embark on the second year of this blog, I hope to continue writing about grief and loss, as well as some of those daily
moments of gratitude, which certainly have proven to be a fellow traveler with me on
this journey. Thank you all for taking the time out of your busy lives to read this blog. I am truly
honored and grateful that you’ve stopped by.