1-9-89

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

Bob Dylan

On the ferry to Ometepe, Nicaragua (Dec 2009)

Today is Matthew's birthday. 1-9-89. I always thought that was such a great birthday to have. Matthew would have been 24 today. Twenty-four years old. It's such a pivotal age for a young adult. It's the age when many of his friends are navigating their first jobs after college, or trying out their first serious relationships, or establishing themselves in a new city, or traveling the world. All of them are just beginning to figure out who they are. And he's not here. It doesn't seem fair.
 
Two years ago, when we had to navigate his birthday for the first time, we went away. His birthday fell on a Sunday and we all went north to Vancouver. It was clear and cold and far enough from our home to feel just right. Just before we left I had coffee with a woman who has since become a good friend. She had lost her son twenty years earlier. So when I told her what we were doing to mark Matthew's birthday (I remember those are the words I used), she said she always tries to do something special to celebrate her son's birthday. I remember being somewhat taken aback by the use of the word "celebrate." It just didn't feel right. At least then it didn't. Now however, two years later, I think I can use the word celebrate. For January 9th will always be a special day to us and I want to celebrate the day that Matthew was born.  
So here are some things that come to mind when I celebrate and remember Matthew (in no particular order):

his contagious belly laugh;
his crooked smile;
his deep brown eyes;
his enduring love of history (especially Ancient Roman and the Civil War);
his tenacity and ability to master things that didn't come easily to him;
his discipline with his studies;
his curiosity about the world;
his love of baseball;
his love of the outdoors and of hiking;
his ability to develop deep friendships with a few friends;
his love of movies (all Martin Scorsese films, plus The Departed, Gladiator, Fight Club)
his love of books (Chuck Palahniuk novels, Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Brothers K)
the way he relished  being "non-pc;"
his love of politics;
his ability to mimic accents;
how he was looking more and more like a young Robert DeNiro (he could mimic him really well too);
his love of words and his unique ability to create new ones;
his knack of creating nicknames for everyone;
and most of all the powerful love he had for his family.

That's just a little bit about Matthew. It's just the tip of the iceberg really. As the years go by, I realize he will remain forever young. Even as we get older and celebrate the passage of time, he will always be twenty-one (or younger) in our minds. No, it's not even remotely fair. But life's not always fair, is it? We just have to be grateful for the memories we have, and for the 21 years we had him.

Besides, love lives forever.